There is a scary development happening in many of today’s
marriages and serious relationships -- no sex. You probably have heard all the
clichés, especially as it has to do with couples not having sex after they get
married. In reality, the frequency and excitement of sex can truly diminish
after having children and getting consumed with the stress of feeding them,
raising them and schooling them!
Come to think of it, who really has the energy or makes
out the time to look sexy, feel sexy and better yet have sex! Raising children
is a lot of work. Life itself is a lot of work. Maybe this was why our own mothers
were so irritable when we were little?
But in spite of all these, if you want to be real, you eventually
have to address this subject of sexlessness in your marriage. Married folks should
have sex, enjoy it and also crave for it on at least a semi-regular basis. It
is vital.
Going by the aforementioned, why are many of us not
handling this subject like we do our finances, our children and our careers?
Why are we avoiding it? The reason is: even in our modern society of today, we
still find it very uncomfortable to discuss the subject of sex with our
children, our spouses and our friends.
Isn’t it strange to say the least? We love and do read a
good romance novel, or watch a romantic comedy movie. So why do we find it
difficult talking about sex? Well, in many cases, we feel that we are the cause
of the problem, but we are baffled or scared to admit it and deal with it.
If you and your partner are lacking in intimacy in your marriage
or relationship, there are a few solid ways you can deal with what may appear
to be a very thorny and painful topic for you and your spouse. Let’s roll…
Firstly, if your desire for sex has diminished, go see
your physician and have yourself checked. Hormonal levels do fluctuate. Having
children can throw you out of whack. Make sure it is not a physical problem.
Also, some women do always experience discomfort or even
pain during intercourse but have failed to address it. Perhaps you assume that
certain sex positions are just not for you.
It may also be that you have a
physical problem that has a solution. In simple language: if you fail to get
aroused or are experiencing discomfort, even after a generous amount of
foreplay, something may be wrong with you physically. Have yourself checked by your gynecologist.
Secondly, if your results prove to be okay, and nothing is
physically wrong with your partner, then you can assume that the problem is
probably something mental or emotional in nature.
Are you tired? Mentally tired? Tired of him? Do you still
get attracted to him or is he just a warm body? Do you feel unattractive? Do
you think he feels you’re unattractive? Have either of you cheated in the past
- and are aware of it? Is sex boring or has become a ritualistic rut?
It's a huge myth that sex is not an important part of a
relationship. Physical intimacy with your partner is very vital for the health
of your relationship.
If you’re dating, you should be strongly attracted sexually to the person. If you’re not,
you may face serious troubles in the future.
If you are married, sex may not feel like it did the
first time with each other, but it should be satisfying and desired by both of
you.
Are you having diminished sexual desire?
1. Identify your sources of stress. Put them down on
paper. Number them. Have a list. What is causing you the most stress? Finances,
intimacy, illness, children or family?
2. Now have them sorted out in their order of importance.
You should be able to eliminate the last item on the list by this week. For
example, if your kids are stressing you out, hire a babysitter; go out on a
date with your partner and at the end of the evening, try to initiate sex.
3. Continue to whittle down your list while you keep up
with your date nights, etc.
4. Find things to diminish your overall stress levels.
Engage in activities such as reading a book, walking/running, yoga, dancing to
your favorite music on your Ipod, taking up an old hobby, etc.
Reducing your overall stress levels is a great way to encourage
relaxation when you get intimate. You should not make the mistake of putting a
lot of “performance pressure” on you and inadvertently sabotage the need to
enjoy the moment to the full. Also – happy people do have more sex! Though I’m
not sure about that statistically – but it makes sense, doesn’t it?
No comments:
Post a Comment